I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
