Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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