just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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