You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
false alarm. still invincible.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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