I cockslap morals
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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