Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
