Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
