I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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