I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
