I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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