does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
