You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
