I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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