no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
