Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
