he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
