There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
