If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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