OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
