How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
