Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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