actually, I'm a sock model
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
