Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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