piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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