the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
