would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
