I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
