I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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