My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
