Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
