I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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