i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
