it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
