hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
