he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
