so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
