So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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