every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do herpes really smell.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
