You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What drink are we having for lunch?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
