There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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