Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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