even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
