after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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