i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
