dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
