so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
