do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
