barbara walters just said penis...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
