Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
