The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
