I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
