Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
