I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
