An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
