my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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