you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
