These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
