His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
where am i from again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
