i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
