I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
