I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
