Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
