I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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