If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
