I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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