Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
