When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize