I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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