I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
