I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just pee around me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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