I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize