i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
