My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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