WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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