You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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