What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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