There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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